A Whole New Kind of Torture
by celestialstarynight
Summary: Joker and the rest of the Gotham villains kidnap Nightwing, Batgirl, and Robin. The three min bats know torture is inevitable, but the crazies have a new kind planed for them. Will the mini-bats survive with their sanity intact? Crack fic. Now get your minds out of the gutter and read.


**Yeah, so this starts out so normal I almost regret the crack. Hahaha oh well, what's done is done. :D**

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Nightwing, Batgirl, and Robin were each tied to a metal chair... that was bolted to the floor... in the middle of a warehouse... that was probably on the docks. In other words, your normal kidnapped-hero situation.

"I blame you two for this," Robin said after they had been sitting in silence for a whole six minutes. Robin sat on the far left, with Batgirl in the middle and Nightwing on the other end.

"And how is this our fault?" Nightwing asked.

"You were the one who wanted to go patrolling tonight," Robin answered.

"So where's my part in this?" Batgirl asked.

"You dragged me along."

Before they could bicker anymore, the Joker and Harley Quinn entered the room.

"Hello kiddies, having fun?" Joker asked.

"Loads," Nightwing answered sarcastically.

"Quiet, Bird Brain," Joker snapped, "no one asked you." The three thought it best not to inform him that he had in fact asked Nightwing, and the other bats, if they were having fun. "Now, as I'm sure you kids figured out," Joker continued in a much happier tone, "quite a few of the good people that you help Batsy throw into Arkham took a vacation yesterday."

"Vacation my ass," Batgirl muttered.

Joker put his hands over Robin's ears. "Watch yourself, Batgirl, there are children present."

Nightwing glared at the Joker. "Don't touch him," he snarled.

Harley slapped Nightwing across the face. "Don't yell at Mista' J!"

"Now, now, Harley. Bird Brain is just worried for the kid. Goodness knows I didn't do too well with the last one." He ruffled Robin's hair and grinned evilly at Nightwing when he mentioned Jason. Nightwing and Batgirl glared at the Joker.

The door opened again and Poison Ivy and the Penguin walked in.

"Enough talk Joker," Ivy said. She sat down on Nightwing's lap and twirled a lock of his hair. "I want to get to the fun part."

"Yeah," Penguin agreed, "bring on the torture!"

"Harley, be a dear and get the others," Joker said sweetly.

"Anything for you Mista' J." Joker scowled as soon as Harley's back was turned. Ivy continued to play with Nightwing's hair as he tried to get her off his lap. Harley returned moments later with every other one of the villains that had escaped from Arkham earlier that week. Batman was currently in the batcave trying to figure out where they might be.

Batgirl looked them all over and tried to figure out why they would work together.

Bane was cracking his knuckles.

Catwoman looked board and was just petting the cat on her shoulder.

Killer Croc looked hungry.

Mad Hatter was drinking tea.

Mr. Freeze was using some of the crates in the warehouse as target practice.

Riddler was telling Scarecrow a riddle, until Scarecrow got mad and Riddler was forced to hide behind Two-Face.

And Scarface looked, well, wooden.

"Everyone ready?" Joker asked.

"Hit it," Catwoman said.

Harley took out a boom box and pressed play. **(Here comes the crack!) **The song started and everyone started to sing.

**Killer Croc:** _Right, right, turn off the lights_  
The lights went out and each person got their own spotlight.  
"How the hell did they do that?" Batgirl asked.  
**Joker and Harley:** _We're gonna lose our minds tonight_  
**Riddler:** _What's the dealio?_  
**Bane:** _I love when it's all too much_  
**Ivy:** _5 a.m. turn the radio up_  
The music got louder.  
**Catwoman:** _Where's the rock 'n roll?_

**Mad Hatter:** _Party crasher_  
**Two-Face:** _Penny snatcher_  
**Scarface: **_Call me up if you're a gangsta_  
**Killer Croc:** _Don't be fancy_  
**Mr. Freeze:** _Just get dancy_  
**Joker:** _Why so serious?_

Joker stuck his face right in front of Batgirl's.

**Scarecrow:** _So_ _raise your glass if you are wrong_  
**Penguin:** _In all the right ways, all my underdogs_  
**Two-Face:** _We will never be, never be anything but loud  
_**Killer Croc:** _And nitty gritty, dirty little freaks_  
**Harley:** _Won't you come on and come on and_  
**Riddler:** _Raise your glass!_  
**Joker:** _Just come on and come on and_  
**Scarface:** _Raise your glass!_

**Catwoman:** _Slam, slam, oh hot damn_  
**Mad Hatter:** _What part of a party don't you understand?_  
**Scarecrow:** _Wish you'd just freak out_  
**Scarecrow:** (Freak out already)  
The second time he said it, it sounded like begging.  
**Ivy:** _Can't stop, coming in hot_

She kissed Nightwing on the cheek.  
**Mr. Freeze:** _I should be locked up right on the spot_  
**Bane:**_ It's so on right now_  
**Bane:** (It's so fucking on right now)  
He pounded his fist into his hand.

**Mad Hatter:** _Party crasher_  
**Two-Face:** _Penny snatcher_  
**Scarface: **_Call me up if you're a gangsta_  
**Killer Croc:** _Don't be fancy_  
**Mr. Freeze:** _Just get dancy_  
**Joker:** _Why so serious?_

Joker stuck his face right in front of Robin's.

**Scarecrow:** _So_ _raise your glass if you are wrong_  
**Penguin:** _In all the right ways, all my underdogs_  
**Two-Face:** _We will never be, never be anything but loud  
_**Killer Croc:** _And nitty gritty, dirty little freaks_  
**Harley:** _Won't you come on and come on and_  
**Riddler:** _Raise your glass!_  
**Joker:** _Just come on and come on and_  
**Scarface:** _Raise your glass!_  
**Bane:** _Won't you come on and come on and_  
**Mr. Freeze:** _Raise your glass!  
_**Mad Hatter:** _Just come on and come on and_  
**Two-Face:** _Raise your glass!_

**Catwoman:** Oh shit! My glass is empty  
**Ivy:**That sucks!

**Harley:** So if you're too school for cool  
**Harley:** (I mean)  
**Riddler:** And you're treated like a fool  
**Joker:** (You're treated like a fool)  
**Killer Croc:** You can choose to let it go  
**Scarface:** We can always  
**Two-Face:** We can always  
**Scarface and Two-Face:**Party on our own

**Ivy:** _So raise your_  
Nightwing managed to knock her off his lap  
**Ivy:** (oh, fuck)  
Ivy cursed as she hit the floor.  
**Scarecrow:** _So_ _raise your glass if you are wrong_  
**Penguin:** _In all the right ways, all my underdogs_  
**Two-Face:** _We will never be, never be anything but loud  
_**Killer Croc:** _And nitty gritty, dirty little freaks_

**Bane:** _So_ _raise your glass if you are wrong_  
**Mr. Freeze:** _In all the right ways, all my underdogs_  
**Two-Face:** _We will never be, never be anything but loud  
_**Killer Croc:** _And nitty gritty, dirty little freaks_  
**Harley:** _Won't you come on and come on and_  
**Riddler:** _Raise your glass!_  
**Joker:** _Just come on and come on and_  
**Scarface:** _Raise your glass!  
_**Mad Hatter:** _Won't you come on and come on and_  
**Catwoman:** _Raise your glass for me!_  
**Scarecrow:** _Just come on and come on and_  
**Ivy:** _Raise your glass for me!_

After Catwoman sang her last line she walked out the door, and ran straight into Batman. "They're all in there handsome," she said and pointed behind her. Batman ran in so Catwoman took that as her cue to leave.

Batman took a tranquilizer gun from his belt and shot all the villains in the room. They all fell to the floor unconscious as Batman ran up to his partners.

"Nightwing, Batgirl, Robin, are you all okay?"

Each of them were sating in front of them with their mouths open.

Robin was the first to speak. "There goes my childhood."

"I will never be able to un-see that," Batgirl said.

"And I thought I was traumatized before," Nightwing muttered.

Batman looked around at the villains and the boom box that was now silent. "What happened here anyway?" he asked.

"Don't ask," the all said at once.

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**This whole idea came from Joker's line and how I always thought the lyrics said "penny snatcher" and not "panty snatcher" *shrug* I've seen both. I really hope you liked the end lines they got :) Felt I should indulge myself and write a crack fic as a birthday gift to myself. I'm so happy!**

**Reviews welcome.**


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